Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
we're so committed to being not committed
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
