Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
