He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
