The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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