I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
