drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
