just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
