You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize