after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need to calm my uterus...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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