I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
