Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
