guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
