Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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