It's Friday. Sex?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
