Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
