I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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