I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
