i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize