Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
