I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize