i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
