Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
They have beer where we have blood.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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