Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
