i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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