Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
