party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My dick has a subreddit
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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