That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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