I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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