take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
