The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
