I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
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I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?