Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
