Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.

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(214): Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again. http://tfl.nu/1vav

Replies (12) Good night (4434) Bad night (540)
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(716): View more from New York

Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?

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(716): Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil? http://tfl.nu/jfob

Replies (14) Good night (7656) Bad night (1155)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....

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(508): He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well.... http://tfl.nu/3a9p

Replies (4) Good night (1934) Bad night (1277)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that

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(336): If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that http://tfl.nu/zg2p

Replies (4) Good night (3649) Bad night (1000)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".

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(270): The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard". http://tfl.nu/w1c8

Replies (19) Good night (6881) Bad night (1065)
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(309): View more from Illinois

remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..

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(309): remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him.. http://tfl.nu/o0zu

Replies (13) Good night (1328) Bad night (2220)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?

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(603): She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep? http://tfl.nu/8ccn

Replies (11) Good night (1426) Bad night (654)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all

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(412): I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all http://tfl.nu/skme

Replies (6) Good night (789) Bad night (1615)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?

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(337): Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think? http://tfl.nu/0xiw

Replies (9) Good night (906) Bad night (1238)
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(813): View more from Florida

The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.

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(813): The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job. http://tfl.nu/jr9a

Replies (10) Good night (1727) Bad night (546)
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(303): View more from Colorado

The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....

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(303): The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING.... http://tfl.nu/av21

Replies (7) Good night (1940) Bad night (455)
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(813): View more from Florida

I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.

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(813): I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free. http://tfl.nu/oqtb

Replies (3) Good night (1060) Bad night (517)
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(602): View more from Arizona

Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.

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(602): Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials. http://tfl.nu/99ms

Replies (4) Good night (308) Bad night (752)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

I have poison ivy on my dick

(1-870): View more from Arkansas

WHAT

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(870): I have poison ivy on my dick (1-870): WHAT http://tfl.nu/5c6b

Replies (8) Good night (308) Bad night (802)
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(561): View more from Florida

I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon

(850): View more from Florida

Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found

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(561): I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon (850): Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found http://tfl.nu/d5sg

Replies (4) Good night (817) Bad night (299)

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