he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
It can also be a hat.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?