Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I forget how to act sober
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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