i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
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make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up