Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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