On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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