highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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