haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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