What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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