I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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