just come out here and I will go home with you...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
