My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
