were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
