There was a lot of him and a little penis
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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