fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
