marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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