i love accidental penises.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
