Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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