I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
