I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
