Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
