She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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