I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
