you guys were way drunker than both of me
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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