Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
