my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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