Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
