did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
