So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
