I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
