i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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