im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
