shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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