Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
