Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
