OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
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She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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