i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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