i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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