So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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