I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
