When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
