Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
