I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Screwed.edu
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
