if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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