Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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