ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
