I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
