The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
