OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
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They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
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Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.