Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
