Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
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In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.