There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Your dad touched me again.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
