She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
